


I Reciprocate You SO HARD

by orphan_account



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Abusing parentheses, And myself..., Caution: may cause brain damage, Crack, Humor, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I'm judging you, M/M, Making fun of this lovely fandom, ooc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-13
Updated: 2012-12-13
Packaged: 2017-11-21 01:27:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/591878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock Holmes is in love. The world may never be the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Reciprocate You SO HARD

The world was full of pink and sparkles and rainbows. It rained candy and this somehow had no detrimental effect on the enviroment. Rasism, homophobia, sexism, genocide, hate crimes, war and paper cuts all disappeared overnight.

Why had this transformation occurred? Sherlock Holmes was in love. Of course.

He skipped through meadows full of pink flowers and did stereotypical besotted-man-walking actions. He smiled at everyone and complimented Anderson and made little valentine's day cards even though it was September. He was so full of bursting joy and joyfulness that he gave all his belongings to the poor and started carrying out random acts of kindness.

To everyone else, this was mildly frightening. If small children, cute animals and slow adults had found him alarming before, this strange man who had forgone his usual clothing and was now wearing a shirt that read I Love People! was simply too much to bear. The masses fled before him, and, still happy, he was glad that they were getting the exercise.

Sherlock himself felt as though everyone else had magically risen fifty IQ points. The world was wonderful and exciting and bright and he was in love!

He was in love with Sally Donovan.

1, 2, 3...

The author would like to inform you that she was trolling. He was, in course, in love with Mycroft Holmes.

No no no, that would just be disgusting! (The author is maliciously waiting for flames from the incest fans. No offense meant really.)

As we all knew from the beginning, Sherlock was in love with John Watson. As we all also know, EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET SHIPS THEM, so there can be no objections. None. (Sorry if I've compromised your earsight with my appalling capslock. (It's a requirement for crackfic. (Isn't earsight an awesome word? (At this point I'm trying to see how deep I can get into parentheses.))))

It's true. Everyone pairs them. The writers, actors, Obama, assorted cheeses, Chuck Norris, your mother and her goldfish, God...

Ahem... Sherlock was, naturally, a very sensitive person. He didn't know what to do with his love! In the past, he had been abused, mistreated, laughed at, poked in a mean-spirited fashion, and people called him a freak all the time. This was all very damaging on poor Sherlock, especially being called a freak. The pokes had left bruises on his lily-white princess skin but being called a freak was worse because he cared so very much for other people's opinions.

Therefore, he didn't think he deserved John's love. He took to cutting himself in his free time but don't worry, there were still rainbows and stuff.

Anyway, the thing Sherlock wanted the most was to enter into a relationshit with John. I meant relationship. Yes.

One day, Sherlock could not contain his pent up UST and love and he accidentally kissed him. He stood around in his typical dumb, stupid manner and waited to be rejected because he can't deduce for shit and therefore had no idea what John felt for him.

So he was surprised when John glomped him in his usual swooning teenage girl way and proceeded to be overly-dramatic and teary as you would expect from a hardened ex-soldier.

They gazed into each other's orbs. (Oh my god I hate that word.) Sherlock's eyes were piercing and his cheekbones magnificent and his throat long and suckable and his fingers sexy in some vague way and he had a wart on the back of one knee but let's not mention it. John was all cuddly and adorable and fluffy and huggable. He doesn't get as long of a description because he's not a fangirl's wet dream.

They had a make-out session that lasted for fifteen paragraphs. Well, it would if I wrote it out. What? I'm lazy!

Then they had obligatory sex that involved a riding crop, dirty talk, virgins in some way, bondage, hedgehogs and otters and kittens, more riding crop, sub/dom, wing!fic, omegaverse, and scenes that were clearly written by a mature, above consent-age person who is not a virgin trying to get over post-Reichenbach depression.

What, did you actually think I'd write it? This is teen and up! You sick, depraved person!

And they all lived happily ever after because the writer shot Mary Morstan.


End file.
